Keep Montana Secret
tell everyone that...

Get the T-shirt... help keep tourists out of Montana
Now go home and tell all your friends!

Together we can prevent people (a.k.a. tourists) from discovering OUR Montana!  Get the t-shirt that will turn heads in any state.  Hey, nothing is worse than a few million more tourists invading our beautiful state, so do your part to send them somewhere else! Get the shirt that tells 'em where to go... anywhere but here!

Montanans unite!

Our "Treasure State" is under assault by tourists. It is not by accident that Montana is called "the last best place", and we must ensure that it remains that way.  We need to eliminate the rumors that Montana is beautiful, and fun place to visit - or worse yet, live here.  Together, we need to spread the word that "Montana Sucks" and encourage people to visit other states like Alabama or New Jersey.

Imagine what happens when some nerd from National Geographic magazine flies in and takes photos of Glacier National Park and Flathead Lake, or films an account of Montana's bears or fly fishing the North Fork river and whitewater rafting... picture the following event happening all over the U.S.of A...

The Simpson family in south Texas watches a TV special about Montana and Bert decides that for next summer's vacation they're going to take a second mortgage on the trailer, buy a camper and tow it around Montana. Now multiply that scenario by a factor of ten-thousand - and next summer Montana suffers an invasion of tourists from the lower 48. Why it's enough to make your blood boil; we Montanans have no where to go to escape these invading tourists  I mean, what are we supposed to do... visit California? P-L-E-A-S-E!

What we can do

IMHO, there are only two ways to keep tourists away - and make certain they tow their campers someplace else.  One, we can shoot holes in their Winnebagos as they cross the state line, but that would use a lot of our beer money for ammo.  The better option is to create a rumor that there is nothing to see - and zilch to do in Montana - don't waste your money visiting here because "MONTANA SUCKS".

Action plan

If there is one thing we can thank the funny talking northeast Yankees for it's Madison Avenue advertising. Those suits know how to reach the masses and their secret is "T-shirts". Yup, you read that right, t-shirts. Think about it, Harley-Davidson's dealers only sold 12,043 motorcycles last year, but they sold 16,894,221 t-shirts emblazoned with pigs and motorcycles and HD's dated logo on the front. Now, every wannabe in America believes that a Harley is the answer to everything from boredom to getting some strange.

Here at Montana Sucks, Inc. (we just made that up), our plan is to take the offensive and borrow from Harley-Davidson's Madison Avenue advertising strategy and get every resident of Montana wearing an official "Montana Sucks" t-shirt. We believe that if enough people see the shirts, they'll soon believe that Montana is NOT the best choice for the family vacation.... visit New Jersey First!

Before it is too late, click on over to the official Montana Sucks Store and get your family their custom t-shirts and let's begin fighting back. It's up to us friends, only we can prevent tourist tires from entering our state (that sucks).


Get the T-shirt... help keep tourists out of Montana

Read what they're saying about Montana Sucks!

Note to self... remember to tell people that this website is a parody.  This is a marketing tactic intended to get people (that's you) to buy our funny T-shirts and other tourist trinkets.  Our goal is to become filthy rich so that we can quit our day jobs and spend our retirement touring, fishing and exploring the greatest place under the "Big Sky" - Montana USA!  Ever since our website was mentioned in USA Today, we've received hundreds of emails.  99.9% of everyone gets the joke, but there's that 0.1% that think this is a serious slam on Montana.  Yikes, people lighten up!